Love is......

Yes, good question: what is love? It's a word that is used in so many different situations that the question is definitely worth spending time on.
I'm sure it's not what I hear in the Blues; or what I hear in bubble-gum music; or what Rosamund Pilcher films show. "I just love your outfit"; "Don't you just love the she moves"; "I just love you to pieces"; "I love you"; etc.; etc.

I'm going to give a try at a definition. To do that I guess, I have to establish at least some defining characteristics, as to what I mean by the term love.

• It's a feeling,
• it isn't dependent on a location, because that feeling can occur anywhere
• it isn't dependent on external factors, because that feeling can be experienced under any set circumstances
• it isn't dependent on possessions, because it can happen independent of wealth
• it isn't dependent on age, because love can apparently be experienced by those of all ages
• it is a feeling which is unselfish and generous and giving, not taking
• it is independent of time and can occur at any point in a life and even at many points in life

For me, the above list leads me inevitably to break down love into two main groups:

• Love which is dependant on external factors and
• Love which is independent from external factors

Love of the first type, i.e. dependant on external factors is not real love by my list of characteristics above. It not something we can just generate when we wish - something I suspect many people would dearly wish that they could generate. We either feel it, or we don't.

So, if that is a feeling and that takes place inside me, what does that imply about the feeling of love? As the person closest to me, I ought to be able to experience that feeling when I wish, so why can't I?

Who says I can't? Of course that has to be possible. I can choose which feelings I have at any given moment at least with practice that becomes a real possibility. Spending time acquainting myself with me, slows me down, so that I have space to make a choice of which feeling I use as an appropriate answer to a situation. Of course, anger often comes, or annoyance or irritation or dislike, but practice makes perfect and I definitely don't react the same as I used to.

Love is not attached to a person or place or object; it is the feeling that everything is right with me and the world. It is not the ridiculous emotion described by the love songs we hear outside. That comes and goes, depending on a thousand external factors and changes over time. Love is the only constant worth striving for and you can: just find that feeling inside and if you can't find someone who can show you how.

Clearly we know nothing about parenting

One thing that never ceases to surprise me, is the number of parents who seem to believe that the children belong to them, in the sense that they believe that they have not only the responsibility for that child's welfare, but as a result, the right to determine that child's development in a way that suits the beliefs and ideals of the parents. This is ownership. In the old days, this was that argument used to arrange marriages. Children are a commodity.

Kahlil Gibran, in his poem "The Prophet", says this about children:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

If we really understood that, I doubt if we would have so many children, or, even crazier, fertility clinics. Such clinics cater to some woman's obsession to be a biological mother - that is all ego, when there are so many children without a loving home. Such women do not even remotely think about the child, it's all about the fantasy in their heads. 

There is also the issues around abortion which have nothing to do with the welfare of a child. All those organisations which condemm women who have abortions are those who will, at the same, time not take any responsibility for that unborn child. If you are not prepared to step into the breach and take on the responsibility yourself, you have nothing to say and really shouldn't say anything at all. Look to your own faults, not those of others.

It seems to me, that the most important task a parent has, is to provide their offspring with an environment where they can safely learn about this utterly different world into which they have been thrown.

So what does that mean: a safe environment?

 The way I interpret that, is that when a baby comes into this world, it arrives from somewhere so completely different that it is beyond our imagination. 9 months in a complete protected environment where Mum takes care of all the baby's needs and it has to do nothing except grow. Suddenly, an enormous effort, one that won't be denied, and that child is born. Immediately, from having Mum provide everything in the fluid environment, that child is forced to do something so different that it's the only thing that those around that child at that moment are waiting for: will the baby take its first breath! Will it come? Won't it come? To me that was certainly the most magical moment: witnessing a child's first breath.

Now what? The child is loved and the parents do their utmost to keep that child happy and comfortable - let's at least assume that. During the first five years, that child discovers so much and the wonder of that discovery is something we parents really enjoy participating in. But that seemingly lovingly, safe, caring environment, is certainly not consistent. And there's the problem.

There comes a day or a time, when the child is not behaving in a way that suits our mood at that moment. Suddenly that caring, loving parent turns around and shouts at the child! In many cases - think of all the nights with little or no sleep and the resulting frayed nerves - suddenly that loving parent, with whom the child always feels safe, turns into a monster!

How would that affect any of us? The trust is shattered. And with each repetition of that inconsistency, the trust gets more broken and is replaced with, initially at least, utter confusion. What is going on? Why am I being shouted at? Who is this scary monster? Looking at the world today, the result of our parenting methods can clearly be seen. Our focus is exemplified by a friend of mine, who recently told me that his advice to his god-children at the beginning of their adulthood was "to make a shit-load of money first and then think about what else they would like to do with their lives". If that is the thinking behind most parents educational and parental motives, then it's no wonder we have this world, where greed comes before everything and justifies anything.

We foist our expectations onto our children, regardless of their personalities and wishes. Even worse, we load them down with the need to conform to the expectations of others. We add on a thousand judgements and condemnations and then wonder why they rebel. Or, worse, become even more zealous than our parents and teachers, in promulgating the values of others. And this is what we consider to be loving, caring, responsible parenting! I keep coming to the same conclusion: humans suffer from existential neurosis, because of our contradictory upbringing, which leaves us floating in a limbo of uncertainty about ourselves and our place in the universe.

I am acutely aware of the utter confusion I felt growing up, much of the confusion being caused not by the novelty of experiences, but by the inconsistency and unpredictability, especially of those nearest and dearest. Did I have the conscious awareness clearly required, to parent my children? Not a chance. I can't change anything now, of course, but I wish I had understood this before becoming yet another unconscious, if well-meaning, parent. It's no wonder that my teenage years were as fraught as they were - I almost killed myself rebelling. 

Our children are as close to the state of universal consciousness as it's possible for a corporeal being to be. We should be doing everything we can, to foster that in our babies and, at the same time, foster that consciousness in ourselves. Is it too late? It's certainly too late for me as a parent, but I can do my best to attain that consciousness now for me. It's worth the effort.

Civilisation is the wrong word to associate with humanity

The phrase "Civilised Society" is often used to point out the faults of "uncivilised members of human society". When I look at the current state of the evolution of humanity as a society, then I see very little that I call "civilised".

Here is one definition found:

A civilized society or country has a well developed system of government, culture, and way of life and that treats the people who live there fairly:

1. A fair justice system is a fundamental part of a civilized society.
2. The terrorist attack on the UN building has shocked the civilized world.

having a well-developed way of life and social systems:

1. “A civilized society allows for tolerance,” he said.

Cambridge Dictionary

 A description from Wikipedia offers the following:

History of the concept
The English word civilization comes from the 16th-century French civilisé ("civilized"), from Latin civilis ("civil"), related to civis ("citizen") and civitas ("city").[11] The fundamental treatise is Norbert Elias's The Civilizing Process (1939), which traces social mores from medieval courtly society to the Early Modern period. In The Philosophy of Civilization (1923), Albert Schweitzer outlines two opinions: one purely material and the other material and ethical. He said that the world crisis was from humanity losing the ethical idea of civilization, "the sum total of all progress made by man in every sphere of action and from every point of view in so far as the progress helps towards the spiritual perfecting of individuals as the progress of all progress".

The word suggests a structure of social mores and accepted behaviour underpinning the fact that large groups living in close proximity to each other need some kind of way to interact and cooperate.

When I look at what is today referred to as a civilised society, I despair. Is this what civilised people do? Is this what being civilised means? I think I'd rather be a "primitive" than civilised if that is the case.

If humans really were civilised, would we have

• Invented concentration camps (the British during the Boer War)
• Carried out the killing of 6 million humans during the second World War - (Germany)
• Wiped out almost all of the Native American tribes (many nations participated in this, primarily Spanish, British and French nationals)
• Wiped out complete cultures all over South America (primarily the Spanish and Portuguese)
• Wiped out a large part of the native inhabitants of Oceania (British)
• Wiped out a good chunk of the populations in African and Asian countries (British, Dutch, French, Portuguese, Belgians)
• Allow millions to starve to death for the sake of profit (India, Ireland - the British, many African countries)
• Turn whole countries into opium addicts (British in China, etc.)
• Create slavery as the basis for wealth (most countries then and now)
• In a "post-colonial" time, taken away everything from a nation and forced them to give it up for people from a entirely different part of the world (Israel and the East-European Jews)
• Traffic children and women for sex (many, many countries as source and many more as recipients)
• Allowing immense wealth for the few and staggering poverty for others
• Use children to bolster up their armies (Africa, South America, Asia)
• Keep populations in grinding poverty while it's "leaders" live in luxury
• Kill the people of their own country (Spanish Civil war, Irish War, Rwanda, Uganda, Serbia, etc., etc.)
• Educate only some and deliberately ensure that only the select few are fully supported (almost everywhere)
• Religious representatives who use their position to abuse and misuse children over centuries
• Religious groups which kill others who do not follow their views and believe the creator of all is partisan to their lttle group
• Religions which support wars of one state against the human beings of another state.
• Etc.
• Etc.

It's a word we can't, in all honesty, apply with it's original meaning to human society today. The list above shows that we have no concept at all of what a human being is and it's potential for good. It's potential for bad is being explored all the time. I can only shake my head in disbelief that we have not yet changed anything at all for the better. We have got better at killing many at once and screwing up many more lives in an instant, but more civilised? 

When I listen to a brilliant musician or read a wonderful inspiring book or see a painting that raises my spirits, I am made aware of the fantastic possibilities contained in a human being. When I see some of the wonderful things built to celebrate life and the creation, I see that true human civilisation could really be a fantastic and inspiring thing to be a part of. And it's always possible, as those inspirational events and people show. But in every case, it demands personal responsibility to oneself and to one's fellow human beings on the planet.

If I can't understand and know myself, then how could I believe or expect that I can understand and know another person. And if I can't understand myself, then it's easy to misunderstand another. And without that understanding, true human civilisation is never going to be possible. The world is full of egoists with no respect for others. That's not going to work and if you look at the world, you know that this "civilisation" is doomed. The question merely remains, are we going to take the rest of the planet with us into extinction or not.

We really need to wake up and start to realise, we won't exist as a species after a few more generations, because we are to busy killing each other and our supply of needed resources (food, water, air). 

I recently watched a documentary about space travel. In it, one person suggested we needed to get into space travel, "so we could escape from the results of all our mistakes on this planet ans start afresh. What an absolutely terrifying idea: exporting our insane species to wreak havoc on another planet? I sincerely hope we don't achieve that. because we'd be exporting our insanity too - it's not going to get any better somewhere else, if we haven't changed. My father was a functioning alcoholic and he used to tell me, that the trouble with trying to drown your problems, ist that the buggers float! No different here: if we go somewhere else, but are still crazy, then nothing is going to change.

Conclusion: we need to become civilised and quickly. That means YOU! YOU need to realise what an amazing and unique creature you are, who has been given the gift of life and that that is an amazing event!  You are unique on the planet - there has never been another person exactly like you, ever, in the past, nor will there ever be a person exactly like you in the future. You are now and you are the only person like you who exists. That is truly unique. That makes YOU special, all by itself. It also means that is true of every individual on the planet and as such, every one is entitled to the respect we demand for ourselves.

So, what are YOU going to do, to change YOU, nobody else, just YOU? That is enough of a task for any human being and occupies all of life.

When you point a finger at someone else, there are always three pointing back at you.

The absurdity of War

During the current pandemic crisis, we have seen innumerable acts of kindness, generosity, and help from individuals for individuals. That is so inspiring to see and read and makes me realise that "the milk of human kindness" is not just an empty phrase. It is in our nature to help others and to care about each other. We do this spontaneously. 

So why, then are we also capable of unspeakable cruelties to each other?

Teachers such as Jesus and Buddha clearly state variations on "love thy neighbour", so why then do these "religious" countries go to war against each other? Of course it was a Christian religious leader who said that it's OK to fight non-Christians, because they were non-Christians, Pope Urban II with his call for the wars known as the Crusades.

The causes of war always boil down to one answer: the lack of peace in individuals. If we are not at peace with ourselves, then conflict will occur, just as night follows day. So the solution is equally clear: war will stop when the war in our heads stop.

Bob Dylan summarised his disgust with war in two memorable songs, and I reproduce the lyrics here. He uses the phrase "God on our side" as the titel of one song, where he points out the disgusting things people do to each other, all resounding to that phrase: we have God on our side! couple with this is his other song "Masters of War", in which he points out that those who die in these wars are not those who send the soldiers or build the weapons. Perhaps President Trump wouldn't be such a Dick if he'd not been able to avoid the draft. He is typical of those who let others pay the cost of their own vanities.

Here are the lyrics. The titles link to the videos of those songs.

Start with Answers, not Questions

To me it's completely obvious, but apparently I'm in the minority, that I am a human being, the result of billions of years of evolution of the universe. As such, I also recognise and respect my fellow human beings, who are also the result of that unimaginable process of evolution. The creative force required to achieve this wonderful creature, capable of self-reflection and, as such, capable of experiencing the life force itself, is the greatest miracle imaginable. And I am truly grateful for this limited opportunity to experience being alive.

So why do human beings have so little respect for this miracle they represent, that they can wilfully destroy each other and the incredible environment which evolved along with them to sustain them? Everybody asks questions: why this, why that, why is this happening to me, what did I do to have this happen to me, etc. Complaints and blame.

Maybe if we understood what an incredible thing it is to be alive, something for which not a single individual on the planet can claim responsibility for. I know I didn't create me, and yet, when I look in the mirror, there I am! Realising this. I mean really understanding the depth of meaning in that statement, one automatically feels grateful for the opportunity to experience life in this fantastic instrument we've been given. Without it, I couldn't even have a bad time!

Thanks to the blessing of life, we can experience all the ups and downs we do. If we were conscious of that blessing, we would automatically understand that the most powerful tool we have built in, is that of feelings. A feeling is separate from our mind. Our mind can analyse, can show us all sorts of information about the external world, but it does't understand feelings, so we tend to associate our feelings with specific events or situations. For example, in a relationship with another person, we often believe that the feelings we experience are because of the other person. Wrong. You are the owner of all feelings and as such, are responsible for them. Do we accept that responsibility? Mostly no, we see external factors, other people, situations, as responsible for our own feelings and so we blame them and make them responsible. Wrong. How can I have responsibility for your feelings? If that were the case, then every parent would be able to ensure that their child has no horrible feelings, such as when they are sick. I couldn't do that for my children, I can't take your painful feelings away from you. When it comes to feelings, you are on your own and that is freedom! Freedom to choose how I feel.

Creative force, life force keeps the universe going. We like to call this force God. So why do we try and blame God for our problems? As Prem Rawat recently pointed out, God created you and you created your problems. So why blame God? The answer is always the same: we are unconscious and unaware of how fantastic it is to be alive and have such a body to experience, because, there is no way you can say that you deserved it or earned it. It's a gift and that needs to be acknowledged by the recipient, us, individually.

We use the term 'listen to your heart' often, but what is that? It isn't the thing pounding in our chest that we refer to, but something much deeper. It's that part we associate with our positive feelings: love, clarity, peace, happiness, etc. So where is this heart? Clearly we all know what the phrase means, but ask somebody to explain it and they are likely to become somewhat tongue-tied. To me it's that part of the human being which is in touch with the creative force which sustains us every day while we are on the planet. Of course that creative force is in us and sustains us - it's certainly not happening by my own efforts. I can look after my body, but I can't keep the life force in it - as, so far, every human being on the planet up to the present day hasn't been able to.

So, I can see that the force is in me, but if I can't be in touch with it, then having that life is meaningless. My effort has to be, to be in touch with that force in me and to view the world from that perspective, so that I may grow in understanding. And that takes courage, to keep going, despite all the distractions, to want to achieve that goal, despite the setback, to understand that life is special and to live it a gift.

Sitting up Mud and Lying down Mud

In the 60's, Kurt Vonnegut published the story called "Cat's Cradle". In this fictitious world, Kurt invents a religion called Bokonism. At one point in the story, there is the death ceremony. I found this extremely moving when I first read it and I still find it very moving. It expresses Gratitude for Life, so beautifully for me.

I hope you enjoy this too.

DYOT MEET MAT

“GOTT MATE MUTT,” crooned Dr. von Koenigswald.
“Dyot meet mat,” echoed “Papa” Monzano.

“God made mud,” was what they’d said, each in his own dialect. I will here abandon the dialects of the litany.

“God got lonesome,” said Von Koenigswald.
“God got lonesome.”

“So God said to some of the mud, ‘Sit up!’”
“So God said to some of the mud, ‘Sit up!’”

“ ‘See all I’ve made,’ said God, ‘the hills, the sea, the sky, the stars.’”
“ ‘See all I’ve made,’ said God, ‘the hills, the sea, the sky, the stars.’”

“And I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around.”
“And I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around.”

“Lucky me, lucky mud.”
“Lucky me, lucky mud.” Tears were streaming down “Papa’s” cheeks.

“I, mud, sat up and saw what a nice job God had done.”
“I, mud, sat up and saw what a nice job God had done.”

“Nice going, God!”
“Nice going, God!” “Papa” said it with all his heart.

“Nobody but You could have done it, God! I certainly couldn’t have.”
“Nobody but You could have done it, God! I certainly couldn’t have.”

“I feel very unimportant compared to You.”
“I feel very unimportant compared to You.”

“The only way I can feel the least bit important is to think of all the mud that didn’t even get to sit up and look around.”
“The only way I can feel the least bit important is to think of all the mud that didn’t even get to sit up and look around.”

“I got so much, and most mud got so little.”
“I got so much, and most mud got so little.”

“Deng you vote da on-oh!” cried Von Koenigswald.
“Tz-yenk voo vote lo yon-yo!” wheezed “Papa.”

What they had said was, “Thank you for the honour!”

“Now mud lies down again and goes to sleep.”
“Now mud lies down again and goes to sleep.”

“What memories for mud to have!”
“What memories for mud to have!”

“What interesting other kinds of sitting-up mud I met!”
“What interesting other kinds of sitting-up mud I met!”

“I loved everything I saw!”
“I loved everything I saw!”

“Good night.”
“Good night.”

“I will go to heaven now.”
“I will go to heaven now.”

“I can hardly wait …”
“I can hardly wait …”

“To find out for certain what my wampeter was …”  (personal totem)
“To find out for certain what my wampeter was …”

“And who was in my karass …” (personal group members)
“And who was in my karass …”

“And all the good things our karass did for you.”
“And all the good things our karass did for you.”

“Amen.”
“Amen.”

Planet Earth: home for the clinically insane

Every day demonstrates that almost all people are crazy. Look at the stuff we do! Look at how we treat each other! And why? because we're nuts, that's why.

And why are we nuts? Because we don't have a clue why we were born or why we are alive. These are such fundamental questions, that not having an answer to these questions means that we do all sorts of things to try and give meaning to life. The saddest thing, is that for so many people the answer is greed and acquisition. It ought to be obvious that this isn't a good answer, because we can't take anything accumulated with us when life ends.

 What other major symptoms of insanity can we see? How about all the furore around climate change? Basically, we are poisoning ourselves with the crap we chuck down from the air, the poisonous substances we chuck into the water we drink or from which we get food, and, of course, the way we manage our land resources with poison against everything we don't like. On top of that we destroy so much of the land grubbing for mineral resources or to make way for crops which destroy more than they bring. The image is that of a person (almost certainly and in almost every case, a man) who is sitting on a branch at the top of a tree and is busy sawing it off from under him (or sometimes her). If that isn't a definition of insanity, I don't know what is.

I found this article which summarises really neatly one example of the insanity on this planet - I've added the link here.

Why are we apparently so intent on killing our own species off, along with as many as we can take with us? It makes no sense to me at all.
Greed will lead to the extinction of the human race as we know it. And from the perspective of the planet, good riddance!

What makes this even sadder, is that we are all looking for paradise on earth and don't seem to realise, we actually have it. Watch some of those great TV programmes from David Attenborough and you know we live in paradise, but we are busy turning into hell, not just by wrecking the planet we live and rely on, but by treating each other as enemies and not as valuable allies who can help you enjoy and preserve paradise on earth. It's not going to get any better by carrying on as we are.

The image I've chosen for this article, is that of looking at paradise from within a prison where we are locked in. What can we do to change this? Stop living in the illusion and experience reality and not expectations.  It's our insistence on illusion which keeps us in the prison of expectations and greed. For that to happen, we need to develop our conscious awareness of ourselves in our environment and to take responsibility for our personal actions. Change is down to you! Nobody else, just you!